'Beaten'

my mouth kissed the concrete,
tounge sprawled across the curb;
helpless, like a worm trying
to escape the heat of blacktop.

fists pounding against my helpless
body, as an enraged percussionist-
blood seeping from bruised skin,
like biting into an aged apple;

furrowed flesh, mangled and destroyed.
my body wrinkled into a ball,
beaten to a mere pulp, and left with
nothing more than the worthless core.

I am the counterpart of a voodoo
doll caught in an elephant stampede,
a mesh of dismantled ligaments, trampled
skin, and rupurted arteries.

Nice writing and a very good use of imagery. I liked the amount of description you put into your writing. It brought the piece alive for the reader

A nice, enjoyable piece

came together nicely...

dug the last stanza a lot. felt you could have even gone on a bit more from that point... even just a closing line to give a definitive end to it. perhaps something that would explain where the beating came from.

the rest of my commentary you already got... but yeah. turned out well.

Thanks for the feed, and I agree, ab.

This was more of like a 'vibe' piece....more of like you kinda doing an exercise in imagery, I liked that......
these lines stuck out in the piece IMO....

fists pounding against my helpless
body, as an enraged percussionist-
blood seeping from bruised skin,
like biting into an aged apple;

this was real fun to read.