Misguided Writer

His paint brush was a faint lust for writing's simplistic joys
Complaints hushed, he'd acquaint us with his linguistic poise
He ain't just.. defeated, but broken: had a morsel in respect
Only a new masterpiece could shatter his porcelain regret
So he was forced to introspect; Never to be docked in pride
His closed mind couldn't disclose signs of what's locked inside
Instead it ostracized finds that HE's what's holding him back
Made claims he was bored of it all, he was molding the facts
Really, he was folded & wack, egotistical, swollen & cracked
Artistic merit was dissed, embarassed; then stolen & sacked
one idea was old & intact, never folded & packed away
His greatest desire - to fade & retire with accolades .
So he prayed & aspired to be metaphorically blessed
he enjoyed success, because his stuff was historically best
But he lost track of this fact, his image back to black & abstract
From an objective standpoint, today he was practically wack
Of course, bias wears a crown; so views were subjective
An already convinced mind cannot construe it's perspective
So he grew ineffective as positive feed fueled a silent fire
His motives rolled out of control, hinged on a violent tire
Which propelled his bandwagon to grow greater in numbers
which, for equally malevolent reasons, his haters encumbered
His artwork slowly developed into promotional writing
Each time, it was harder to discover an emotional sighting
Motives convoluted; even he couldn't surmise what it meant
Don't feign artistic innocence, we've all plagiarized his intent


.
.
.

This was revised - a lot. I did post it before though. I'll leave my links shortly.

nice i like the vocab

cool, I enjoyed banning you just as much as you liked the vocab.

edit: he's only banned for a week, domain... :coolio:

^Gosh Damn Haters... LoL

That was good, the vocab was on up there. Hell I need a dictionary to figure out some of the meaning but fuck it... I'm improvise and act like I knew what it meant or guess...

It seems like you cut the ending short though.. like there should be more to it. Your flow was on point for the entire time and it made this piece a breeze to read. Maybe one of these days you'll get off your high horse and drop a collab with me!...

Good piece

2 Up!

If You Wanna...
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ce-344320.html

Nice I liked the vocab


















but seriously, that made me laugh hard as heck. but on an even more serious note, your vocabulary was vicious and you did not let up. consistent flow with nothing at all that was forced. great job on that already. through the entire piece I easily caught on to the writer's voice and mood. The sense of character cast all the imagery that this piece can have, from his frustration and follies, down to the lowest he could go. The realization of how fake he knew he was destroyed the pinnacle of his achievements and the fact that I could see it all go down before my eyes made this piece as sound as it is. great job man, not much else I could say about it.

fav. lines:
He ain't just.. defeated, but broken: had a morsel in respect
Only a new masterpiece could shatter his porcelain regret
So he was forced to introspect; Never to be docked in pride
His closed mind couldn't disclose signs of what's locked inside

^best sequence of bars right there.

keep it up homie.

peACE

ps. if you see my piece, hit it up if you gots time. thanks.

this was a nice verse man i think you really did improvise this well and thought it out more and really put more how you say...um... emphasis on the emotion man.. this was a great job man and i loved the voab man really well pertained and kept man... props feeble shit was ridiculous and well said man..

Fav. lines

Quote:

---

one idea was old & intact, never folded & packed away
His greatest desire - to fade & retire with accolades .
So he prayed & aspired to be metaphorically blessed
he enjoyed success, because his stuff was historically best
But he lost track of this fact, his image back to black & abstract
From an objective standpoint, today he was practically wack
Of course, bias wears a crown; so views were subjective
An already convinced mind cannot construe it's perspective
So he grew ineffective as positive feed fueled a silent fire
His motives rolled out of control, hinged on a violent tire
Which propelled his bandwagon to grow greater in numbers
which, for equally malevolent reasons, his haters encumbered
His artwork slowly developed into promotional writing
Each time, it was harder to discover an emotional sighting
Motives convoluted; even he couldn't surmise what it meant
Don't feign artistic innocence, we've all plagiarized his intent

---

very deep and the depth of the meaning was well said man... props man.

Very nice work, Feebs, this is solid all the way through. I think at times you have a tendency to let your rhyming lead you on, but that's cool, it led you to some awesome points on this one. By that I mean, you might do something because it rhymes really well, but you'll find a way to kind of keep it going logically. Like:

Quote:

---

So he grew ineffective as positive feed fueled a silent fire
His motives rolled out of control, hinged on a violent tire
Which propelled his bandwagon to grow greater in numbers
which, for equally malevolent reasons, his haters encumbered

---

Like, the first two lines shown aren't all that effective, but then you go to the bandwagon thing and it all works. Nice job, really, to follow your schemes and get where you want to be going.

There are two other parts of this verse that seem just way too forced, and the first two lines being one of them, I almost didn't read this piece and that would have been a mistake.

Quote:

---

His paint brush was a faint lust for writing's simplistic joys
Complaints hushed, he'd acquaint us with his linguistic poise

---

Like, I didn't like that, it seemed extremely forced, but then you start really getting into your character. But still, it's like you're so concerned with the perfection of it sometimes, that it loses a bit of personality.

Quote:

---

So he was forced to introspect; Never to be docked in pride
His closed mind couldn't disclose signs of what's locked inside

---

Fucking fire. That was pretty damned good.

Quote:

---

one idea was old & intact, never folded & packed away
His greatest desire - to fade & retire with accolades

---

Again, fire, this was really well put and the flow is pretty much perfect.

Quote:

---

But he lost track of this fact, his image back to black & abstract
From an objective standpoint, today he was practically wack
Of course, bias wears a crown; so views were subjective
An already convinced mind cannot construe it's perspective

---

Gotta give it up again. This part is really tight, too, I mean, practically wack might be a little bit on the forced side, but not really because of the topic and content, but it is really well put. 'The already convinced mind cannot construe its perspective' - doesn't make complete literal sense... construe means making a grammatical analysis, its not like the opposite of misconstrue, thats kind a common mistake, though, but thought I'd point it out, it still rhymes really good, and it almost works because you're talking about writing, but not quite...

Quote:

---

His artwork slowly developed into promotional writing
Each time, it was harder to discover an emotional sighting
Motives convoluted; even he couldn't surmise what it meant
Don't feign artistic innocence, we've all plagiarized his intent

---

The end was perfect for what the verse was, really great way to end it and kind of tie writers together in that we do all, at some point or in some way, end up writing stuff that is not altogether true or even for ourselves, but rather it is done to impress... or in this case sell... but still a great observation.

I mean, I picked it apart just to find something else to say other than, "Dope." Cuz, quite simply this is dope. It's not quite earth shattering, but this is pretty good, I'm pondering HoF nomination but I'm not sure that the topic itself is important enough... Maybe.

thanks for the feed, dude. Construe isn't only used in the sense you indicated, though. It's definitions include to "interpret", "make sense of", and "assign a meaning to". In some cases it can be the opposite of misconstrue, but I wouldn't go as far as to say it 'usually' is. But it can definitely be used outside the context of grammar. I intentionally used it like that to give a sense of being "pieced together.." but I admit now that you point it out, it seems like a weak use of the word. Anyway, appreciate the feed, especially the criticism cuz that's what will help me write better next time.

This was a very solid drop...I mean your vocab was amazing and the entire piece was worded great..you went multi crazy..I guess that's the text in you..basically your style of flow..nice..The emotion was jam packed into each sentence and the imagery was amazing........overall this was one of the best OM's that I've read on the technalicality side of things..props on a good drop..
RTF pls...

1 Heart. 1 Beating.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...od-344520.html
^this is for you.. so far it's gotten a solid from everyone. no bad feed..



it sounds like the story of you leaving the LLL and coming back :rolleyes: j/p homie.. but yeah, great read. honestly, i thought it was going to be bland by the title. i expected just another story about a writer who couldn't find his way.. which it was, but you intensified the subject with your insane vocabulary and metaphor. I definitely had to think about a few lines and words when i read them, which i like because it helps me to better my motive of thinking and not to mention my semi-decent vocab skills. i like how you shows not only a writer losing track of himself, but you showed it by telling the reader about how this inparticular writer is losing himself to writing about things he's told and things that'll benefit him as a writer rather than the things that he loves to, or enjoys, writing about. definitely worth the read, thanks feebs.


- Cry

Fuck you