Life is a chess board

http://www.artnews.info/serpentine/i...d54_orozco.jpg

Black’s Move

I apply mental floss on the doctors orders
Meditate to get away from the darkest corners
I blocked these borders, a smile breaks onto my tired gaze
While I smoke, I hope happiness aint an acquired taste
Cuz it stands dire and fake, I wanna break my ceramic attired face
Smash this saran-wrapped porcelain shell
Before I’m scorching in hell, I’m forced to rebel
As I take a white, but lose a soldier as well
Sing a venomous lullaby to my lil girl - aged one
And collapse in a slump
-beside my prisoners-

White’s Move

Screaming from her crib, my baby awakens
As I gaze merrily vacant - complacent
Patient with life, take it one-pace-at-a-time
Newly bloomed buds are greatly sublime
I smile….and just lay back and kick it
Play badminton, black jack and cricket
Friday - Saturday - Sunday - days of the lord
Where the face of the board, is outcast
Like the ways of the sword
The pawns move forward
Kings and Queens step aside
And on one of these days, even the bishops survive
------there goes another black------
Sliced from the knife of the knight
The whites are ahead, blacks are behind
But continue to fight, their loss at the back of their mind
The piece might be dead, but it’s tracks are unsigned

Black’s Move

I study my target, feeling so bloody lethargic
Back at work, and trying my hardest to start it
Monday has released it’s venom, sunk it’s teeth
squeezed out every inch of belief
And replaced it with grief
---------------There goes a white------------
Knocked off the square, onto the pile of the fallen
I’m down-trodden, as I light up this pollen
Crowds flow, like locusts to the most impressive bargain
Youths talk nonsense, in their senseless jargon
Blacks Pieces crowd my mind, return of the king
Here to take his throne, murder the spring
A diagonal move, there’s a pawn at his feet
Fumes invade my lungs, in a world of elites
Us common folk, are like murdering cheats
How did I get here? In this circumstance?
In the eyes of the system, we’re like worker ants
--------but the White Queen is still to move----------

White’s Move

Drifting silently, hopping over bishops and knights
The queen moves with ambition and might
1-2-3-4-5, yes five black pieces, added to the pile
Ticked off in my brain, registered with my smile
Pawns, rooks, and bishops alike - stand tall in their plight
The fallen of white, has begun stalling tonight
Blacks are outnumbered, soldiers wounded or dead
As my wife, climbs quietly into my bed
I look to the ceiling with a warm place in my heart
For tomorrow there is a new game, just waiting to start

Checkmate

Damn, loved this piece... Went wild on the metaphors as you know, i loveeee metaphors! so this piece was like a dream read for me!... I read it like 5 times just to crack the hints and decode it step by step... you took a stupiidddlllyy common topic and brought new light on it... very much the same message as most... but with the twist of how the whole piece was a metaophor and may i say very well placed in every line. The only thing i thing i can flaw personally is at times the flow seemed forced slightly, and the verse transitions were kind of sloppy... just didn't fit as well as maybe it possibly could have... but aside from that, loved the piece. pretty close to perfect in my mind man. You made the piece unique and styled it with an origonal blend of a dark yet informative writing. You really have elevated alot man, as i said, i'm proud young nicca. but i still see some of your word use can be sloppy, which is a trate that may i say has come along way with... you barely do it anymore... you used to just place random lines in the middle of the verse because it fitted with the flow, where as now you take time to place each line to fit the stroy and to continue the story damn near seemlessly. You're a treu story teller bro. And very stylishly done.

Well done man.

Thanks dude...upping

Haha this was all you witness this was your drop in SS werent it but all i can say is that this was awesome man...You had everything down the vocabulary tied the piece and i thought the rhymescheme was simple but very effective lol...i enjoyed how you changed the move each verse and overall this was a very good piece stay up man.

yeah nice piece witty. one of the best i seen from you..
imagery layout was great. flow was on - point..........
vocabulary was used dopely....bar delivery was smooth.........
rhymes was cool f'sho. showed good skills on that tip for this shit
emotion seemed to roll.....

ive seen a couple of other chess piece pieces but this is better than ive seen before.
so all in propages on this joint


the shit is hof


check my ish-

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=325818

thanks dude....upping

yea this was some deep shit =D

i really got touched, and it flowed solid.. the immagery was outstanding for this matter.
and about the skull... hell yea its: chess.. and not checkers.

props.

Yep..Wit @ his best pretty much...This piece was flawless..the flow was on point...the concept was very intriguing...and informative....as well...the pic really brought out something extra in the piece...kinda like a mind thing...but overall dope drop....

Thanks to both...upping

Well written piece`
I didn't have a slightest clue who you were.
I just saw your name on WP so I figured I check you out.
I'm certainly impressed.
Keep up the good work.
I'm too lazy to break the piece down for you.

I'm an 05 head....so you probably were'nt around when I joined. but yea thanks for the feed dude, it's appreciated

Niiiiiceeee. I liked this alot. Dope imagery especially.

I was really impressed by the structure, the way it went from white move to black move. Very creative. :D

I enjoyed the read, strong at points and gripping. I thought you did well with the style and components used, a few areas could have had some extra attention. You did a great job, but I think some of the messages you were expressing could have been stronger, but that is just me. I thought imagery was the next thing that shoulkd have been addressed, but that is only in my opinion. Very impressive work, I mean I can see tons of improvement in your abilites here. I think the concept won me over here more than anything else. The scheme you ran with was better than I remember from you in the past. A bit predictable as far as the word choice, but you did lay out an elevated meter in this peice. Not so much complex but a real nice mix. the technical components were there, and laid down in a well thought out manner. I still think you are better than this though. I dropped a chess game type peice here on RB once upon a time ago in poetic scriptures and was excited to read this once I seen the concept you took. Good work bruh...

Very effective.
^^^
The use of your words, aswell as the flow and imagery.

This is an impressive piece.
You maintained a flawless flow throughout the piece
with a great choice in words aswell as a smooth transition
as you switched from piece to piece.
Also, just like all other good pieces, the ending was pretty
cool in my eyes, and was a cool way to finish.
Really cool flip on a common topic dude.
Loved the hidden meanings throughout aswell.

Thanks to everyone that left feed :D it's very much appreciated

The wording was good, the way you portrayed this peice, the origionality was great. Some parts of the rhyme scheme was basic, but was awsome. The way it began & concluded was just all metaphorically spoken. Very origional, excellent, brilliant.

thanks dude

upping

Dam, what can I say this was one well organised piece, your had an abundance of creativity convey'd through out this piece, your story line was brillant, although i felt some parts could've used a little more attention, this piece had a significant amount of meta's and wonderful meta's at that, the imagery in this piece was vivid enought to paint a picture of what you were tring to portray with this piece, you exclamations and dialog and diction all worked for the best with the emotion, I understood every aspet of this piece, you had the vocab of a scholar, your piece created this free yet sophisticated atmosphere through out this iece and you kept that up to par throughout this piece, the rhyme scheme was wonderful, it's good to see a original rhyme scheme and not the old traitional abab aabb, you kept me interesed from the opener to the end and I think thats very important concear'n topicals, well enough said Lol this was an overall very respectable piece one of the best I read in some time.

Favorite Lines:

Quote:

---

Screaming from her crib, my baby awakens
As I gaze merrily vacant - complacent
Patient with life, take it one-pace-at-a-time
Newly bloomed buds are greatly sublime
I smile….and just lay back and kick it
Play badminton, black jack and cricket
Friday - Saturday - Sunday - days of the lord
Where the face of the board, is outcast
Like the ways of the sword
The pawns move forward
Kings and Queens step aside
And on one of these days, even the bishops survive
------there goes another black------
Sliced from the knife of the knight
The whites are ahead, blacks are behind
But continue to fight, their loss at the back of their mind
The piece might be dead, but it’s tracks are unsigned

---

:realist:


Please Leave Feed On This Link.

This was a very endepth piece i felt with alot of meaning that came along with it for reals loving the rhyme scheme and the whole approach you took with it very good flow also that had my eyes moving side to side with so stop to it good job my man. content wise this has everything in it so want to congrad you on this glad to see shit like this is the crew

peep mine buddy
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=327008

holy shit man... that was fuckin flawless... you had me readin that shit on the edge, full of great vocab and metaphores... I could find an amazing poetic flow just by reading out loud... great concept and great job of sticking to it throughout

If you could give the feedback luv... it would be much appreciated...
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=326783 good lookin once again...

Who woke me up like this?

I really have nothing to say and not entertaining wars on people you never even met. Maybe if I wasn't hit in my born city - it would be different. Or just trying to stand thru 6 years of hell since I finally woke up (too late of course). Maybe if my family wasn't lied to, or the hate so legal with a primitive instinct of pacing worrying about my young day and night ever since. Knowing you're sitting there smiling in their fucking face too. I could care less if you die slow too mother fucker. At least you're obviously not even innocent and didn't even deserve it. I'm not gonna write some hate piece back I'm just gonna say you look so fucking stupid. I was 16 when I watched Chris get murdered. The party prolly got shot up over your same cause and like... it's never the ones that deserve it though. I can't ever understand that Lord. +

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It's like getting jumped by the entire underground and I ain't even seen my 2nd until like a week ago. Slaughtering babies???? LMFAO and I'm sorry but...

This was arguably the gayest shit I have ever had the misfortune to have ever read in my life.

Terrible read!

Why?

It tried way too hard to use metaphorical references and fell flat. This was flat out just trying to be an edgelord and with a trainwreck of a result.

First ballot Hall of Shame piece! Awful!

This is so amazing
Creative verse
the flow is nice & smooth
powerful meaning
very strong words

The first time I got sick tracing and talking to spirits (my 4th time in all I think it was) I drew a chess board recovering, made the worst picture and was gonna have it framed. I refuse to trace now. They were ALL so mean to me and still are. A picture album back then and that drawing. Just like I've done again being stuck in the zone for 6 years now. Chris. He died in my lap and I only met him 2 days before but I always assumed he was the "eyes in back of me" ... now I don't know how he'd judge me. I'm not perfect and being so strong so young, I never really gave a fuck if I had friends or if anyone liked me - "I rather be paid then popular" and just cared about work. Now that it's all fallen down I don't know how I feel - but I still feel I didn't make too many mistakes. My worst of them forgiving the people closest to me who hurt me. It's like that Pac movie = being up against a ghost all the time. Now I don't know if it was him (Chris) or if I had children at a too young of age that I had to give up. But I just had to do my best and make my mark despite. I know this isn't therapy but I got to the point where I said I'm not getting back up after the 3 bangs and 5 weeks - but you have to. I'm obviously still crawling but... Ironic, but I had to read it for the date and title. ~ Chris Hollins 2.4.95 ~

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I'm so confused I don't even know if i have kids.

If you were me, most of you would be inside the bubble room of mental chewing on a styrofoam cup. I'm trying to get thru this and it IS embarrassing too. So thank you to the ones that let me freak out without making fun of me too bad and the ones who just ignore it too. You can't make sense of insanity but I still need to come to terms with stuff that has happened. When someone peed on my bed I realized I was made the "perfect victim" when the cop said it was my cat that peed. Or that butterfly on the door across the hall that didn't move for 3 days. I understand why I can't file a police report sometimes but I'm tired of people dismissing it. I'm tired of pacing. Ok... enough said.