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http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...642/index.html
Rules and Regulations. Drop by Saturday, Vote by Monday.
check it hunny bear!
[YOUTUBE]fth9UUa1Mfw&feature=related[/YOUTUBE]
A Love Supreme
Part 1: Acknowledgment
Sparks fly in the dark skies of past loneliness,
As copious blankets wrap the vast holiness
Of two souls...Slowly rolling towards each other...
Heading for a shared fjord where rewards teach lovers
to flow....Abandoning their respective summits;
Where solitude snuggles with reflective pundits.
And as they reject the puppets of their stoic natures,
strings are affixed to edicts that flow with vapors
of mutuality...Two cerebral people are coupled.
Bonded by the birth of emotion, egos are humbled.
Vetoes are muffled and doubt drips down defeat's drain
As another's purpose surfaces and sweeps each brain's
pain away. Replacing it with the face of new love:
A silhouette of hope in the shape of two doves.
The cape of truth hugs their exposed shoulders gently,
instructing them to trust themselves and make closures entries.
Two voters simply campaigning for the same virtues;
unconditional love, above all, is what they pursue.
He thanked her views for shedding light on his perspective;
and she thanked him too, for his honesty and protective
intentions. They swam away, down a stream of selflessness;
creating bubbles that burst with the velocity of Genesis.
Shimmering with light from the gentlest of sunbeams;
they quietly acknowledged the birth of a Love Supreme.
Ashy Lights
The Neon green words are the second snare, and the Neon pink words are the closing snare(you may be wondering what snare that is, it's always the 4th one) Bap = second snare, Bap = closing snare. This is to help yall's recite this the way it was meant to be, dopefully. hopefully. And um, this is not somethin' that should be read in your mind, that's not music..whisper it to yourself if you gotta do that..
The verse starts at 0:43 of the Youtube video, this gives you some time to feel it, get aquainted with the beat..breathe a bit. Cause' I challenge you to go the entire amount of bars without stopping..preform it out loud if you can, just keep track of the 1,2 1,2 1,2 boom BAP, follow the snare patterns.
IMPORTANT: Although every 16 Lines/8 Bars are seperated by a GAP, there is no chorus, this has been done for your eyes so they don't get lost, just keep going.
[YOUTUBE]IawR7tfi_bI[/YOUTUBE]
Starts at 0:43...
flashin' up high, passion-love-fashion-drugs TIMES
SQUARE, lightin' up the nightttt terrorsss
some stay lost affraid of what they findddd there
cash becomes, attraction of, your nightmaresss
any perfect plan starts with strippers & a timeshare
days flash by, moments last for lightyears
..I'm just thinkin', maybe she's thinkin', I care
Haa! you must be Skyin', think I need a wife here?
Runaway from the lights, scene'a the crime
where good girls gone bad suck D in their prime,
World outta' control, there's no need to define..
what it's like to be 40 thousand feet in the Sky...
& still not be content, I see the green in your eyes..
I see the reason for the cheatin' & lies,
disguised, & still not knowin' what u wanna become..
so you forget your dreams, & baby you Run!
& now she's on a Greyhound, city lights lay down..
into the distance where she wishes she'll fade out..
into the abyss of the twist of martinis n'..
champagne hounds chase bitches half way round'..
the globe, life is hard out on your own..
those big city lights they can envelope your soul...
like singin' accapella, you develop a flow..
But we're still missin' the love that a melody knows..
Two worlds apart but insurmountably close
In a dark state of mind, where infidelity glows,
Like those high heels, they sell every show..
& VIP in the lounge, where anything goes..
American Dream is what they envied the most,
tried to gimme' her heart but, she sent me a Ghost..
Caught up in the Reagans, it's Californication,
now we on hiatus, tell me how they hate it,
touch down in Vegas, nothin' you could say to um'
chasin' his dreams meant runnin' away from um'
allure of the big screen, nothin' could make it love..
have you ever had a, dream so dangerousss,
skyline was callin', seemed like his theme song
head in the clouds so high, maybe he'd see God..
mind set to grind get everything, she'd want
but he don't even know her name, n' she's losttt
so days turn to hours, weeks turn to years
whatever he's ever wanted always feature his fears
always the same type, her demeanor was clear
so eager for love...more eager to disappear,
and it's most interestin', like Dos Equis...
her heart navigates the club like an open sea,
sniff that drug fame till' your nose'll bleed..
but ya' still keep missin' what your soul'll need..
& now He's at a strip joint, 'Ashy Lights'..
these bitties got the titties n' the panties righttt
& there's this one girl there, eye's flashing bright
20 dollars for a dance in the back, all night
Their eyes interlock while she moves seductivley
in the back room, her body smooth & love-ely
she smiles, "I bet ya' could get used to touchin' me"
He laughs, "somethin' bout' you that wonders me.."
taking her hand, he feels the spot for a ring
& it takes them back years, gone in a blink..
a wedding flashes by, he had got her a ring..
white picket home, their love stronger in sync
n' their vows for each other, "always remember these."
& he can feel her love forever meant to be...
everything is perfect, the dreamin' & the sex
until he comes home, n' she's cheatin' in his bed..
She did it for a part in a low budget film..
I guess love is fake, I mean so fuckin' ill
& he lost his job, and never told her the truth..
writin' raps tryna' blow up & order a Coupe..
they broke apart, she got on a Greyhound to Vegas..
n' he got some gigs, wonderin' where they'd take him,
Its crazy, cause distance divides you at ends..
But this divine thing called love'll find you again.
.
just want to say that this was a great match, both had dope verses.
Fresh:
I really enjoyed the vibe of your piece, it fit the music to a T. The diction was strong throughout, and really never faltered. I thought the first 10 lines were great, wording was spot on. Overall I liked the connotative/metaphoric language being used. This part in particular:
pain away. Replacing it with the face of new love:
A silhouette of hope in the shape of two doves.
The cape of truth hugs their exposed shoulders gently,
instructing them to trust themselves and make closures entries.
So yeah, the celebration of love was genuine in this, and it fit the song perfectly.
Dex:
This was dope. I liked the song choice and narrative to accompany it, definitely a sick way to utilize the theme this week. The writing was great all the way through. There were a few little hiccups in word choice to me (Dos Equis line, rhyming the word "ring" twice in three lines), but those were all isolated and ultimately negligible in the grand scheme of things. The flow was great, the story took form in a cohesive, understandable manner, and I also like the take on a love between seemingly insoluble lifestyles. The structure was a nice touch, too, with them meeting again at the end. By the way, nice job having the verse finish right alongside the song. I particularly enjoyed this section:
those big city lights they can envelope your soul...
like singin' accapella, you develop a flow..
But we're still missin' the love that a melody knows..
Two worlds apart but insurmountably close
In a dark state of mind, where infidelity glows,
Like those high heels, they sell every show..
read perfectly to the beat.
Vote: This is tough, both had great verses in their own right. That being said, I gotta give it to Dex here. I think he was juggling more with his verse, and it paid off with a better overall experience reading it. Again, sick battle.
Sparks fly in the dark skies of past loneliness,
As copious blankets wrap the vast holiness
A super solid start to this drop, sets the mood, nice imagery and flow is beyond on point.
Of two souls...Slowly rolling towards each other...
Heading for a shared fjord where rewards teach lovers
to flow....Abandoning their respective summits;
Where solitude snuggles with reflective pundits.
Really liked the abandoning their respective summits, very lonely feeling there, and then the solitude coupled with reflective line again very heavy, didn’t really care for “and flow” i dunno just felt awkward there to me.
And as they reject the puppets of their stoic natures,
strings are affixed to edicts that flow with vapors
um im not really understanding the second line there, I mean it sounds real cool, but how ya get a string to affix to a proclamation that flows with vapors of mutuality im not seeing the literal or figurativeness in this line.. Maybe strings like strings attached to something stated which I understand and think is coo but the flow with vapors is whats sorta messin with me, anyways movin on
of mutuality...Two cerebral people are coupled.
Bonded by the birth of emotion, egos are humbled.
Vetoes are muffled and doubt drips down defeat's drain
As another's purpose surfaces and sweeps each brain's
flow here was just very nice. and the vocab, and word choices all top notch.
pain away. Replacing it with the face of new love:
A silhouette of hope in the shape of two doves.
you make girlie shit sound so smooth and really not sappy at all.. imo
The cape of truth hugs their exposed shoulders gently,
instructing them to trust themselves and make closures entries.
lol liked closures and entries had me smirking, plus the cape of truth line was very nice as well,
Two voters simply campaigning for the same virtues;
unconditional love, above all, is what they pursue.
pursue and virtues was sorta predictable in this drop the flow was little labored here, in an otherwise very nice flowing drop.
He thanked her views for shedding light on his perspective;
and she thanked him too, for his honesty and protective
intentions. They swam away, down a stream of selflessness;
creating bubbles that burst with the velocity of Genesis.
fucking loved the bubbles bursting line, very fuckin dope. I took genesis to be the creation of the universe with the big bang not the more literal first book of the bible.
Shimmering with light from the gentlest of sunbeams;
they quietly acknowledged the birth of a Love Supreme.
nice nice ending.. Really just a super solid drop with very very very few minor hiccups along the way, and that is most likely cause im not understanding your meanings this early in the morning.
Dex
First off I wanna say that was pretty creative with explaining to everybody how this shit is suppose to breakdown, reminded me of a sample off of a Gift of Gab song.. anyways to the verse.
flashin' up high, passion-love-fashion-drugs TIMES
SQUARE, lightin' up the nightttt terrorsss
some stay lost affraid of what they findddd there
cash becomes, attraction of, your nightmaresss
startin off with a very erratic flow, lol almost more Nikki Minaj than West no hate
any perfect plan starts with strippers & a timeshare
days flash by, moments last for lightyears
..I'm just thinkin', maybe she's thinkin', I care
Haa! you must be Skyin', think I need a wife here?
Knew this shit was gonna be about a stripper as soon as i heard ur beat choice haha. didnt really care for Skyin but the verse and flow is def groovin with the beat..
Runaway from the lights, scene'a the crime
where good girls gone bad suck D in their prime,
World outta' control, there's no need to define..
what it's like to be 40 thousand feet in the Sky...
& still not be content, I see the green in your eyes..
I see the reason for the cheatin' & lies,
disguised, & still not knowin' what u wanna become..
so you forget your dreams, & baby you Run!
alot of drug addition undertones settin up the reason this chick is now a stripper, the drugs and money man..
& now she's on a Greyhound, city lights lay down..
into the distance where she wishes she'll fade out..
into the abyss of the twist of martinis n'..
champagne hounds chase bitches half way round'..
the globe, life is hard out on your own..
ok so now her ass is movin away from the lights tryin ta leave that shit behind her, but the allure of quick money is tough to escape from ..
those big city lights they can envelope your soul...
like singin' accapella, you develop a flow..
really feelin the first line not so much the second
But we're still missin' the love that a melody knows..
Two worlds apart but insurmountably close
In a dark state of mind, where infidelity glows,
Like those high heels, they sell every show..
& VIP in the lounge, where anything goes..
American Dream is what they envied the most,
tried to gimme' her heart but, she sent me a Ghost..
ok so your explaining two people who are closer together in their ideology than they know but distance separates them? i dunno this is a transition section thats pretty murky my dude.
Caught up in the Reagans, it's Californication,
now we on hiatus, tell me how they hate it,
flow breaks down here a little imo, Im guessin by reagans u mean presidents in turn meaning money. if ur meaning neighbors like trying to keep pace with ones neighbor then that would be joneses and fit better with its californication in reasoning, i dunno just a little tired moving on, im being too nit picky, cause in all actuality your guys verses are really fuckin dope, and its hard to give any feedback with out being fuckin anal.
touch down in Vegas, nothin' you could say to um'
chasin' his dreams meant runnin' away from um'
allure of the big screen, nothin' could make it love..
have you ever had a, dream so dangerousss,
now that reminded me of Kanye ^
skyline was callin', seemed like his theme song
head in the clouds so high, maybe he'd see God..
mind set to grind get everything, she'd want
but he don't even know her name, n' she's losttt
so days turn to hours, weeks turn to years
whatever he's ever wanted always feature his fears
always the same type, her demeanor was clear
so eager for love...more eager to disappear,
and it's most interestin', like Dos Equis...
her heart navigates the club like an open sea,
sniff that drug fame till' your nose'll bleed..
but ya' still keep missin' what your soul'll need..
i thought this segment was the dopest of your verse, just some really solid lines, the dos equis line was brutal, and followed bu the open sea line, I liked the wordplay on sea too, the sea of people in the club, just excellent word choices .
& now He's at a strip joint, 'Ashy Lights'..
these bitties got the titties n' the panties righttt
& there's this one girl there, eye's flashing bright
20 dollars for a dance in the back, all night
Their eyes interlock while she moves seductivley
in the back room, her body smooth & love-ely
she smiles, "I bet ya' could get used to touchin' me"
He laughs, "somethin' bout' you that wonders me.."
taking her hand, he feels the spot for a ring
& it takes them back years, gone in a blink..
a wedding flashes by, he had got her a ring..
white picket home, their love stronger in sync
n' their vows for each other, "always remember these."
& he can feel her love forever meant to be...
everything is perfect, the dreamin' & the sex
until he comes home, n' she's cheatin' in his bed..
So when I read this part I was sorta confused your describing her running away to become a stripper and being addicted to fame and money and drugs and attention, and how he lost her, and this verse is suppose to imply they were once married to eachother and he meets up with her again in a strip club, cool shit, the prelude to this was a little unclear but if thats what this is about then pretty dope section to clear it all up.
She did it for a part in a low budget film..
I guess love is fake, I mean so fuckin' ill
& he lost his job, and never told her the truth..
writin' raps tryna' blow up & order a Coupe..
they broke apart, she got on a Greyhound to Vegas..
n' he got some gigs, wonderin' where they'd take him,
Its crazy, cause distance divides you at ends..
But this divine thing called love'll find you again.
again nice job clearing shit up at the end, pretty solid verse man, flow was pretty much on point throughout and I appreciated the creative merit with the story about how two young people where attracted to fame so much that the desire to blow up and get big was more then their love for one another. They envitably met again in a strip club , because why? Love is fuckin intense. Anyways Your shit really stayed to a topic “Flashing Lights” Instrumental by kanye West, It was riddled with references to Fame and money and Vegas, all the shit i think about when I think of Flashing Lights and you incorporated a very nice storyline to accompany and outshine the topic. Dope drop well done.
The Vote..
Im really torn right now.. the reasoning why im so torn..
Fresh wrote 24 solid solid lines, that when compared to any 24 lines Dex had, would pretty much blow them away hell even compare her 24 to 48 of dexs and dex's long ass sotry would still be incomplete and be confusing as fuck... Dex wrote 72 lines with an introduction thats a fuckin novel..
obviously its a little hard to compare ..
Fresh im really sorry but the lack of material this week is what is the deciding factor.
I am going to have to vote Dex he behemoth of a drop was enough to overshadow Fresh short drop.. in the end Dex was the one who entertained me longer.
great champ match, very nice drops
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Voting
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Fresh, i really feel like you should have written twice as much as you did to compete with dex's story.. Although your piece was short it had a handful of lines that were clean and smooth.. it also had a couple lines i didn't care too much for at all.. basically a couple wording issues i noticed that threw me off.. i kinda felt like there were also some instances where you might've been forcing the multies a little.. but there were other times where them shits were perfect.. i think you just need to find the inbetween section and roll with it.. now onto dexLABB.. i kinda felt that your story was a too developed for the drop off that it had (when he found her cheating).. idk, it could just be me but.. anyways.. you had some smooth and not so smooth multies.. but for the most part you pulled this off quite well.. i kinda feel that this battle isn't on an even kiel but in the end i see dex taking this.. even though fresh's was poetic and elloquent, i don't think it could stand up against the moral to dex's love piece.. nice read from both..
and dex, we ain't stupid.. the colors weren't really necassary..
v: Dex`Lab
It's really a hard battle to vote on because of the directions you both took. Fresh basically ran with a tribute piece that was written well.. I enjoyed it enough to get into it and want to keep reading. Her flow was good.. not AS good as Dex's was but still enjoyable to read through.. conceptually I'd say I didn't enjoy either of them to their full potential.. Dex's read more like a training simulator for reading rap with how he delivered it out there, and the topic itself wasn't something I fuck with in a Dex drop.. Fresh's seemed like a last ditch effort like mine was this week.. picked someone she looked up to as an artist and wrote about them.. same exact thing I did.
I dunno.. I'm torn as fuck on who to vote for.. but I think I'm gonna have to give it to Dex because I was more involved in his drop. reading it over the beat was a really fun experience, considering a lot of the members in this league don't write to a beat.. it was entertaining for me to try keeping up -- which I assume I did a decent job since I ended at the end of the beat. haha... Fresh's was short, yeah, but still an enjoyable drop that contended well enough to be recognized.. It was expected to be a tough match, and though I expected better drops from both sides? It was interesting to see both members write what they did anyways...
vote Dex'Labb in an interesting bout...