the poet complex

i think about those who'd stand around
my filthy mound,
and how important i wouldn't be
to help decide weather i should kill
myself.
i don't know what i think
-only that i care all about how i look
to myself
through your eyes when i think it.
i'm not even good at being
a narcissist.

self-made mishap(py).

my anti-drug
is my last overdosey-doe;
my future has trouble breathing
because i can't move
past;
i snort between the lines
because my sinuses are illiterate,
like the rest of the world
while i'm reading palms
hidden in my sweaty pockets-

i'll scapegoat
an inanimate object
until the death of me
-which could be
your view of what i think
i should do

right

this

very

moment.

my poem is the eulogy
of itself.
i didn't write this,
i wrote the version you hated
because i liked it
better,
when you hadn't read it.

these words are plainly said,
the most complex way to walk around
myself
without let any of you
know.

so i'll keep the poems you hate
in this state;
i'll never leave
because i claim to be agoraphobic
from my car window..
because its easier than admitting i'm
afraid.

my relationships all fail
-because i only trust wo(me)n,
and s(he)'s a liar.

my hips have an autopilot,
that works horribly with my kamikaze hands
-that crash themselves into your body
when all i really wanted,
is just to hold
your
thoughts.
i'm a slut, because you're a bigger slut.
'you're not that beautiful,'
is what my favorite musicians
tell me to think;
there's a line that follows that,
but i think i like that part best
-when it
excuses your perfection
as hideous,
simply because it's not as ugly as mine.
that, who is different
is a freak;
in this case ugly by way
of not originally being as grotesque
as my own
personality.

but,

i credit this ugly
to the wrong Brooklyn,
Maine.

i found a rust snared swing set
in Brooklyn's tetanus
gun-shot
to the back of my
peddling,
i still use to swing as close to the sky as i can,
before i realize i'll never reach..
just to keep my optimism
in check.

just k(no)w
that every thing i didn't do
isn't ever my own fault
when you're still there to watch
me undo its doing
and give me the peace of mine
of your piece of mind.

i know i'm:
an asshole
complicated
self absorbed
mature
immature
SO sweat
sexy
hilarious
hard to understand
perfect
older
anxious

but you:
are too nice
are simple minded
only care about yourself
immature
think you're so grown up
such a bitch!
not pretty enough
too serious
don't understand!
aren't the one
are too young
are too easy going

.. and every poem i write
turns into a love story
i learned after i thought i read the ending
to myself,
because this world is out to get
you;
and you transpose all your problems on to me
-so i eat your kharma raw,
so that i never directly admit
that it was mine
in the first place.

i'm a liar,
i typically just say, poet.

and this poem,
was written for:
you
me
him
her
the world
tonight
yesterday
today, BUT

i wont admit it
tomorrow.

so when said
apologies turn into
heart attacks
and i blame you for writing
this suicide note
with my forged signature
state of mind,
in the footnotes of my stationary
denial

remember,


this was all tru
ly
whatever
you made of it.






http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ay-383821.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ne-383780.html

now isn't this extremely lengthy lol, new to the poetic scene seeing as i haven't wrote one in over a year possibly two lol, seem its in order pretty odd structure your using but works well with the discription of the piece for imagry, vocabulary is well worded not bad at all..

..don't really have much to say about it other then my fav lines:

just k(no)w
that every thing i didn't do
isn't ever my own fault
when you're still there to watch
me undo its doing
and give me the peace of mine
of your piece of mind.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...on-383650.html
^^

thanks atti


anyways this shit here was fuckin illy and long man... for reals this shit was nicely formatted and well pronounced in a well mellow tone. Your own way of word assortion was nicely put and well presented man. i love your style it brings out the best of things man and you really got a way with words that drives people crazy who love poetry people like me cause one day i want to be like that y aknow...type of dream shit. anyways you really brought this out to shine and be one original piece and made it your own. your vocabulary and imagery and emotion was just splended. i loved it very much atti!

atti, I love you but I need links dude :(

tell me how the fuck this made hof when he has no links and nobody nom'd it.

it was nomed and its now closed....
Atti?...I want you posting in PS really bad. Your poetry is amazing. However, I need links. I gave you some time becuase you've done a lot for RB as far as poetry goes.

If you want this back open, PM me...

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...on-383650.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...pt-383764.html

hey man, sorry for being a prick about the links thing. it's just that newer writers look up to you and i don't want them not leaving links. anyway, you opened the poem well, sort of staring from the outside in. did you mean to write weather instead of whether? damn, the next few lines were really great. the i'm not even good at being a narcissist line was amazing because of the set-up, on the surface you appeared to be only interested in yourself but it turns out you're really not. subtle. nice. i liked the i can't move past - as in you can't move on, i dig it.

Quote:

---

i snort between the lines
because my sinuses are illiterate,

---

lmao. that couplet alone is legends status. dope, i really appreciated that one because i tend to try write like that myself. the next stanza was cool, liked how you think she wants you dead right now.

Quote:

---

i didn't write this,
i wrote the version you hated
because i liked it
better,
when you hadn't read it.

---

haha, this is just so dope. great wording and i dug the tone. i spotted a mistake i think, you said let instead of letting. haha, i liked the agoraphobic flip. we all tend to hide our fear.

Quote:

---

my relationships all fail
-because i only trust wo(me)n,
and s(he)'s a liar.

---

this was cool, it read a little choppy but it was a great idea. liked how you trust yourself but you know that you really can't be trusted. whoah, next stanza is brimming with emotion. regret, anger, contempt. you made me feel for you..na, you actually made me feel like you. idk. dope either way. i didn't really enjoy the swing set stanza. it seemed personal so i guess i couldn't connect properly. the next stanza took me like 20 seconds to even understand what you were saying haha, i know how you feel..when a girl says 'it's what you didn't do'.. if i didn't do it bitch, what's the problem! heh.
when you list your traits, did you mean sweet and not sweat? please tell me you meant sweet, haha. i dug the eat your karma raw segment.

Quote:

---

and i blame you for writing
this suicide note
with my forged signature
state of mind,
in the footnotes of my stationary
denial

---

this was dope, the forged sig. line was wow. so yeah, this and the next stanza was quite interesting, some witty concepts like tru ly, ha, i caught that. overall there was like 2 mistakes in the whole thing, it was really well written and thoroughly deserves it's HOF. hit up my dorian gray piece if you can. this sort of reminds me of it.






http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ay-383821.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ne-383780.html[/QUOTE]

so i'll keep the poems you hate
in this state;
i'll never leave
because i claim to be agoraphobic
from my car window..
because its easier than admitting i'm
afraid.

liked these lines to me they were both humorous and deeply poetic...they made me laugh on the inside but outwardly its like damn...wish I thought of that shit.

This whole piece was pretty good and I think everyone could feel where you were coming from imo....You were talking about wanting to write for the expressionism more than other by-products of being a poet....Which I found to be deep and very fun topic....

This piece had no flaws imo.....THANKS FOR THE READ AND SHOWING US HOW ITS DONE.

It's been a while since I read a long poem... plus you were consistent through out the whole poem. I like how it flowed and gave me a smooth read, except for this part...

Quote:

---

the most complex way to walk around
myself
without let any of you
know.

---

^Shouldn't it had been "Letting" instead?

Anyways, your references and metaphors were creative for the most part, i think the Piece of mind/peace of mind word play was played out, so you could have done something different for that part.

There are plenty of parts that stood out to me in a very positive way:

Quote:

---

-only that i care all about how i look
to myself
through your eyes when i think it.
i'm not even good at being
a narcissist.

---

Quote:

---

i snort between the lines
because my sinuses are illiterate,
like the rest of the world
while i'm reading palms
hidden in my sweaty pockets-

---

Quote:

---

my hips have an autopilot,
that works horribly with my kamikaze hands
-that crash themselves into your body
when all i really wanted,
is just to hold
your
thoughts.

---

Quote:

---

-so i eat your kharma raw,
so that i never directly admit
that it was mine
in the first place.

---

^Dope lines there, creative and gave imagery with interesting concepts.

As for this...

Quote:

---

i know i'm:
an asshole
complicated
self absorbed
mature
immature
SO sweat
sexy
hilarious
hard to understand
perfect
older
anxious

but you:
are too nice
are simple minded
only care about yourself
immature
think you're so grown up
such a bitch!
not pretty enough
too serious
don't understand!
aren't the one
are too young
are too easy going

---

^I do like this part, but i think it was unnecessarily long. I would have preferred a shorter version of it with stronger words. This could have been a strong 4 lines.

Overall, i enjoyed this piece and i hope to read more from you.

this really isn't that long. the breaks are placed in very strong places. The lines just aren't stretched out. I'll be feeding this soon.

Well, we should write something. Just had to get that out of the way.

This is one of the best reads I've had this month, found it very perplexing and great to read twice. Some of it just reminded me of a similar message in another poem here, but nevermind that.
I don't even want to mention anything wrong with this because it'd contradict the essence of this poem, and because it's sickening in the greatest self-loathing pyteradactle way possible. Perhaps the only thing I can ponder is "where is the sanity?"

thanks.