Paperback angels

http://i172.photobucket.com/albums/w...ephotocopy.jpg
Paperback angels

Biro marked wings, lined to perfection
Shaded religion covers her eyes in
Shadows of disbelief in her own truth
A desolate church floats in the back
Of her mind, as she becomes transparent
To the poetry of her own elegance

A foreign language drives her to speak
In tongues in which lift the spirit

Pictures painted from incomplete
Memories, suddenly fading into
Artistic text books of a rich mans
Legacy; weaving a tapestry of sworn
Lies, a fairy tale of rapture and
Hope! Pencils dance as they
Erase our intelligence, & our
Ability of logical thought
Merely slides away into the hands
Of a god of flesh and blood,
A god of breath & mortality!

‘Morality is a must’ the preacher sang
As he held a bottle tight to chest
& In the same sentence muttered
Words of sexual intentions

Visit me from the pages
Reveal your flesh for silver
For inked existence has really
Began to take its toll on my
Patience… my lord!

Do you live in the heart of man?
Well perform open-heart surgery
Without the anaesthetic, as if you
Are truly the masters of my soul?
Surely you would not bring harm
To your child’s nervous system!

Fine ignore me…
I’d rather reign in hell
Than serve in heaven anyway.

I’m sorry, I can’t believe in you.

I would appreciate a little feed if possible.

Very nice poem, I think. I like the main metaphor of the angel, it got a bit freaky towards the end with the nervous system. You really bring out the scepticism in today's society, but the problem with almost all poems like this is that they only show one side of the story. Nice job, though.

I agree, yet i don't think you quite got the story, as it was a personal view on religion and society, rather than a tale of someone else's views, Yet thank you, i appreciate the feed.

good work, man.. I understood the personal view on religion and society.. very creative piece.. the usage of vocab was on point, also... some parts tended to throw me off a bit.. the picture it painted was so vivid.. everybody has different sights when it comes to poetry.. this poem itself was incredible.. definitely couldnt have been wrote better by anyone else.. the topic.. was unqiue.. i liked it....."pencils dance as they erase our intelligence & our ability of logical thought"... your writing ability is amazing... stay active.. i plan on reading more from you soon...

"A foreign language drives her to speak
In tongues in which lift the spirit"
this line bothered me, something with the wording isn't quite right.
Otherwise this was excellent bro, the pic of the angel with the newspaper background describes your poem perfectly. The emotional value rang true, and i loved the irony and hypocrisy throughout. I thought the lines blended together, although in the future I suggest you not capitalize the first word in every line, (I know if you type it in word/works it does it automatically but you can over write it), i feel capitalizing a line when it's a continuation of the previous one disrupts the smoothness of the read. But anyways, this was excellently written, good job man


please peep http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=328370

I was attracted to this only because it had my name on it`
I figured I should read it mine as well`
I was very pleased with my self for reading this,
A very well written work of poetry
I'm too lazy to break shit down
I'll be looking for more of your stuff though and Tik should let you in WP`
Keep up the good work`
Peace`


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=328001

this was amazing work, yo.. also you did a good job on picking a picture for this. it fit perfect. sounds to me like a view on religion and society. the vocab was decent. and the flow was consistant all the way through the entire piece. it kept me entertained. keep on writing, bro. you definitely got potential.

Talk about deep, I thought U showed real talent on here, thouhgt it could have used more life, just seemed a lil monotone, great writing, I just think you should add more color into your craft, throw it around a bit to keep people thinking. Other than that this was a great piece. Keep doing what your doing

Be sure and check out my poem

One

this had me nicely smiling cus it was well though out and written you developed a concept originally from scratch if i may say that was just nicely pu together man.. you had a nice attack angle from your vocab to your wording to your emotion you had it set from start to finish and just made me enjoy your read. you also had some nice creative wit in this with some wordings.. really a nice touch man due up nicely man.

hit me back
cigarette faith link in the sig pls.

well, religion pieces dont usually appeal to me because i dont believe in any religion because i think strongly religious people are hypocrites but i thought your views really shined thru with this drop, your emotions i felt shined only in certain places, i mean i could sense where you were really trying to drive a point thru or wanted to make it stand out, vocab was strong as well.

my fav. part

Do you live in the heart of man?
Well perform open-heart surgery
Without the anaesthetic, as if you
Are truly the masters of my soul?
Surely you would not bring harm
To your child’s nervous system!

I just thought that was ill.

Can you hit up this piece, its my first poetry drop and I would love ur criticism...thanks.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=328600