congrats to you both and may the best poet proceed
due nov 26th (day after thanksgiving)
topic-
the thanks you gave
congrats to you both and may the best poet proceed
due nov 26th (day after thanksgiving)
topic-
the thanks you gave
Cool..check...good luck
Good luck, check.
What Appears To Be
A brown golf ball attached to my fence of a similar shade.
Seemingly supported by a vine with rotten leaves.
Above glides, a hawk maybe, one thing is for certain
She has hands for wings.
In the distance behind me, a clash of a trash can.
I stare at my goosebumps from the cold.
I wear a work shirt I've never labored in.
House adjacent has a spinning popcorn tin half on its roof.
Red barn with worn sides, a painted strike zone square.
I gingerly walk with socks on, to the ball.
On the face of it, pimples come to a head.
I knock it against the fence, wondering of a cocoon.
Near the edge, a younger brother, detached from the stem.
The fence needs to be moved back five feet.
The yard has to be fixed up.
Regardless
I give thanks for my new home.
A dark cool night, an empty street full of dives
Street lights flicker, making shadows dance and come alive
Alleys littered with trash, debris blows in the wind
And only trash barrel fires, provide warmth for within
No barriers to block, the heart piercing breeze
Cold needles dig in, at negative fifty degrees
He prowls the street, looking for wind shield
Twenty years on his own, has lost him appeal
Homeless and hungry, he searches the ground
For scraps of food or anything lying around
Outside on my steps, I sit smoking a cig
Watching this man as he constantly digs
I feel for him, for last year that was me
Homeless and alone, walking the streets
I call out to him, but he doesn’t look up
He’s cautious of strangers offering help
I yell out again, and he finally walks over
Slowly eyeing me, as he stops on the shoulder
I invite him inside, to heat and some food
At first he declines, not sure what to do
I finally convince him, and open my doors
As I remember the couple that took me a year before
We sit and we chat, over soup and warm bowls
And I thank God for the kindness he puts in our souls
Vote - Lyric.
Nice rhyme, and seemed to have more content. Liked both verses, but Carl's didn't get to me.
To be honest Carl I couldn't really get into your's dude. Seemed like a
descriptive piece of some sort but it was fragmented with no real corelation
between each line. If there was i missed it. You might want to be a bit
less cryptic next time . Also I would suggest being more creative with your
wording; this was bland and lacked the description needed to really
make the lines stick. Lyric, nothing real special here. I've seen these types
of pieces from you before and this seems like more of the same. The story,
kind of blah but the usual simple scheme, good structure, and decent
descriptiveness was all there. Now normally i'd say this might not ensure
anything, but being i didnt find Carl's all that coherent it sealed it for you.
v/ Lyric
carl- your was just descropitve and i didnt really get into it much....kind of bored me when i got into the middle and you didnt have the much of flow or strucutre...your was good but not all that good to get my vote
lyric-yours had sum deatil and i got into it a good deal it was enjoyable to read yours and you had good flow and strucutre even sum rhymes to help it out which carls did not have...
v.lyric
this match is collecting dust
vote people
Laureate's piece outshone Carls in many aspects, not saying Carls wasnt of a good standard, but Laureate's was much better. Much more descriptive and a better take on the topic
Vote- Laureate
I think this has been open just about long enough. Laureate wins 4-0.
Congratulations
prize - 2 weeks stickied poetry in your own thread 7 poems max