Originally Posted by
MuhThugga
You remind me a lot of how I was when I started to get into writing back when I was 16....Jesus, 8 years ago now.
Anyways, you obviously have a lot to say, but learn to condense it. Say what needs to be said and forget the filler. Practice writing to a beat. This will be the absolute best way to start condensing your lines and forming an actual structure to your pieces. Remember, these pieces are meant to be read, so they have to flow to the reader. Punctuation is key with written pieces.
For instance:
"The fore fathers before our father had a plan serenity with love joy
Ruined by the black devil and gold devil green eyed beasts make tranquility null and void"
Just a quick edit:
The men before our fathers had a plan:
Serenity with love and joy.
Ruined by the black and gold devils,
Green-eyed beasts; tranquility's null and void.
It is something you just have to keep working at. You'll be surprised at how you'll just naturally transform your style over time. You won't even notice the changes until you go back and read some of your older stuff.