Re: 3 keys to a closed door
a dirt clod full of sober clovers
and petty interests...
fists should scream bloody mary
and speak through a cracked bone
t'was a smooth read
pretty nice poem here, you had some great lines and metaphors,
rhythm could maybe been sharpened in certain places,
but all in all this was an interesting piece,
and was quite graphic in certain respects
good stuff
bless
Re: 3 keys to a closed door
12/15 - Editing this now that I've re-read the piece.
The wordplay was actually a lot better then I thought it up too be the first time I read this piece. The placement was very wisly thought out. And the word choice was pretty strong. Imagery was colorful, painted a sweet little story inside my head like Edgar Allen Poe style *just not at legendary lol*. The emotion didn't lack too bad. But didn't have a flawless element into it. Know what I mean? All in all this was a really nice 2nd read. Keep writing man.
Re: 3 keys to a closed door
no thanks.
oh and your not legendary.
Re: 3 keys to a closed door
Ok buddy this was a good read, very average by your standards.As Prayer said a lot of mispelled words crept through the poem but that shouldn't matter if its the emotion and imagery your out to look for.Just try to tidy up things and i'm sure nobody will be complaining.Imagery was your strong point and you had some killer lines in there man......and I mean really good which was great to see, but its those few weak lines that kind of ruin things for me and there wasn't that many at all, it just seemed as if a few were filler.Maybe this was rushed in places, I am guilty of that in a lot of my poems but well done on this and look foward to the next one.If your up for a collab get at me .
-Dyl
Re: 3 keys to a closed door
bumpskyiesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
Re: 3 keys to a closed door
Edited my feedback friend.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=355550
Like Father; Like Son - Prayer And Burden.
It was just nominated for hall of fame so enjoy.
Re: 3 keys to a closed door