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SS Pre-season 4.
Week 1 - Picture This.
Checkin Due - Monday 20th February 2006.
Verse Due - Friday 24th February 2006.
Line Min - 20.
Extension - If needed Pm me or Tim. Unlikely given out.
No Show - Out.
Write to this Picture.
http://www.richthofen.com/france_at_...fterattack.jpg
My Aim - JudgeLikeWhoa
Come Dope, lets bring back the old SS.
ahhh
hi
Check in.
may need a day extension
just moved and they havent gotten my dsl working there yet
Is he showing?
Because if not, I really dont have time to write. My net still isnt up.
Yes i am.
A wife beckons to see him and hear that it will be better
when a messenger enters, with a life-changing letter
March 4th, 1944
Mrs Antoinette Badeau:
Its with a very heavy hear that
We must inform you, that your husband Pierre died in combat.
In a cold, late Novermber morn...
Our forces rallied in a small sect of Rome.
Monte Cassino was the name...
Our forces fought through the rain, and sleet
Through the pain...
and agony of hundreds of men slain.
We now know the names...
Its for a greater good... but unfortunate
That your husband appears on that list
As a last request, and the men that we spoke to
Said to deliver the final letter he wrote you.
The wife hits the floor, as the man exits the door
And curses the war...
...wondering if the end is worth fighting for
October 7th, 1943
Dearest Antoinette,
Its been months since I've seen you, I long for your touch
Miss home cook meals, with a side bowl of love
Tell the kids I miss them, assure my return
And know I'll enter there room at the end of my term
Things here arent the worst, I just wish it would end
'Cause over these months, I've seen the darkness of man
The plans have fallen through, we rarely get food
But even with all the bad, even some things are good
I've seen new things, not land, but feelings that could
Change a mans interpretation of the word brotherhood
These men are like you... filling a void in my soul
Grown from random men to becoming my kinfolk
But one man is different, he's not like my brother
He's closer, with the embrace of a mother
A true care, something you've only shown
Late at night... a warm body to hold...
My emotions confuse me, now I have a question you see...
Can he join us... can he be family???
To live happily, I need him beside me
You'll see why... his lips... so inviting
And dont take it wrong...
I still love you my dear,
and its killing me...
To ask you to join in a bond of polygamy
As I leave that to ponder, please dont feel bitter
See beyond the pain and feel the love in this picture.
-Pierre
Antionette gathers the children... puts a knife in their back
"The bible says he's in hell! Its time we all join your dad"
Grandfather, look at this picture from the closet
Soldiers stand dejected, dissipated of promise
bearing the blemish of warfare in countenance
eyes locked with the devil, never to be found by bliss
Who are these men Grandfather, do you know of their fate?
The old man stared into shelter of the past, and unbound the crates
Wound by the chains of memories, unprepaired for the sight
as the grasp of the past flared in his eyes
Child what you've seen here is a forgotten moment
And I, was unfortunate enough to have been there to behold it
The old man became lost in thought, barely aware
Descended in the nightmare, trapped in a memory's snare
"A snapshot of ravaged dunes
we stood oblivious to the folds of doom
unclenching in the stitches of time
the memory lofts like smog, thick in my mind.."
An escape from hell's bowels, i laid in rest, lighting a smoke
smothered by the pace of the day, climbing the slopes
Each step pacing from hours of cold sweats.............
.............and a lifetime of broken dreams
As the echoes of hollow souls rang in my ear......
..........from the charred chambers of smoldered teens
Emboldened by barking comrads, i set emblazoned torches to flesh
These old eyes captured snapshots of the innocent scorching to death
Remorse amiss from my mind i witnessed these crimes
Buried them in regret, erased from memory this picture of time
Bodies lit with the fire of hatred i followed my orders
Marched in line with my peers in fear swallowed my morals
I stand now the ghost of a man, once enriched as many people
Now i detested this drone i'd become, played as a pawn of evil
As we watched this barren city of ash ran to the ground
What i recall most is the burning sensation i felt from the cinders of sound
Rekindled is the silence of my pain, ignored in the deed
The innocent whispers of the town's grass........
..............turned to a pained roar from the reeds
The deplorable event went uncaptured but in my eyes they remained
forever singed into my psyche, in my sleep it was stained
As we turned to the remains of the young, eyes to the skies
I felt the fire extend to my blackened heart, where hurt lies in disguise
Grandfather is that you? I reawakened old eyes locking with young
I scanned that expressionless face, skin blotched with scum
A face forever charred with the memory, i stare in my mirror of time
Snapshot of a forgotten moment, echoing the fear in my mind...
You think you want a warrior's path and a soldier's life
Should you chose that future, i'll let you know the price
Child what you see is not honorable soldier seeking glory of medals
It is a single soul staring in chains, left in control of the devil
v/Prince Escobar
Chrit you went from a very interesting approach to him being gay and you ending abruptly. It was underdeveloped and weird. It was like serious shit to a simple comic relief and his wife being a psychopath by killing her children to join her husband in hell that was gay? Weird. I didn't like it. PE, I liked your piece a lot. I don't even know who you are, but this was really good. There's no point in going any further.
alright battle done well by both of you Prince you came nice liking the way you went back and forth the way telling it kept me intersted the whole way through chrit very nice ending you had but like nique said i was left wanting more unfinished in my opinion other then that it was nice both of you were equal for the most part but i have to go with Prince with a more rounded verse
/v Chrit.
I think its really good to see people on RB taking interesting, controversial even, approaches to topics when everything I read is played out and has a distinctly RB feel to it. Not that Escobar's was bad..not at all. In terms of technical aspect, I would even say it outweighed Chrit's considerably. I just wasnt feeling the topic..seemed like a pretty generic, although well-written, route to take. Chrit mixed solid storytelling, though it was sometimes abrupt and awkward, with a unique story..and I think that it was an important step for RB's textual scene..as lame as that sounds/
Prince Escobar wins 1-0
dotGod loses 0-1